Don't get me wrong: if it weren't for Facebook, I'd never know that I missed my 30th high school reunion (which was held on the 29th year, which doesn't surprise me given that our 10th was on the 11th year, but I digress.) And if it weren't for Facebook, I still wouldn't know that the celebrity I most resemble is Elizabeth Taylor and I am very similar to the country of Germany. I also wouldn't know that my 2nd cousin wants me to join her online sorority.
But Facebook, my friends -- or shall I say readers, for I haven't yet friended you -- is a real heartbreaker.
First, there's the option to post your relationship status. Some of us do this; others don't. When I wasn't sure if I was available or not, I said my status was "complicated" - which resulted in my getting a slew of thumbs-up from my Facebook friends. When I said I was "single" again, I also got thumbs-up, and mysteriously, an onslaught of lesbian-dating ads from the Facebook developers (go figure).
The problem with posting relationship statuses is that some people do it but others don't, and assuming someone is single can get a girl in a lot of trouble. Some married people post cutesy pics of themselves in their honey's arms. Others post pics of the whole family. It's hard to tell, unless someone outright tells you: I am in in a relationship.
Facebook has made it far too easy to "reconnect" with exes we broke up with for a reason -- the guy who slept around, the girl who took off with your best friend, the loser who said he'd marry you but turned out to already be married (it happens).
I've reconnected with two exes on Facebook in just the past few months. One turned out to (secretly) already have a girlfriend , took a trip with me, then weasled his way out of telling me by bemoaning all the "tagging" I'd done (which was, apparently, starting to scare him - this caused my friends to say I'd ruined his game.)
Then there was the big one, the guy I loved at age 15 and probably for a few years later, who really devastated me before moving on, back to his life in college and later, the airspace above Hawaii. As I write this, I am still drying a tear for him - but at least he was honorable enough to tell me by about the fourth email that he has a live-in girlfriend.
I'm done resurecting the past for the moment. If you are one of my current Facebook friends consider yourself safe. But if you are out there, Mr. Broke-my-heart-in-the-3rd-grade, then take a hike. I need some time to find Romeo right here in 2010, right here in non-virtual space.
